| 1. |
A right lane
construction closure is just a game to see how
many people can cut in
line by passing you on the right as you sit in
the left lane waiting for the same jerks to
squeeze their way back in before hitting
construction barrels. |
| 2. |
Turn signals are just
clues as to your next move in road battle so
never use them. |
| 3. |
Under no circumstances
should you leave a safe distance between you and
the car
in front of you, no matter how fast you're
going. If you do, the space will be filled
in
by somebody else putting you in an even more
dangerous situation. |
| 4. |
Large SUV drivers think
they're immortal (especially if they have 4WD);
don't
succumb to the temptation to test this theory. |
| 5. |
The faster you drive
through a red light, the smaller the chance you
have of getting hit. |
| 6. |
Never get in the way of
a car that needs extensive body work. (Remember
no-fault
insurance, he might not have much to lose, you
do.) |
| 7. |
Braking is to be done
as hard and late as possible to insure that your
ABS kicks in
giving a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake
pedal pulsates. |
| 8. |
Construction signs tell
you about road closures immediately after you
pass the exit
before the traffic begins to back up. |
| 9. |
The new electronic
traffic warning system signs are not there to
provide useful
information, they're there just to make Atlanta
look high-tech. |
| 10. |
Never pass on the left
when you can pass on the right. It's a good
way to scare
people entering the highway. |
| 11. |
Speed limits (84.1 mph
average on the Perimeter) are arbitrary figures,
given only as
suggestions and apparently not enforceable in the
metro area during rush hour. |
| 12. |
Just because you're in
the left lane and have no room to speed up or
move over
doesn't mean that an Atlanta driver flashing his
high beams behind you doesn't
think he can go faster in your spot. |
| 13. |
Please remember that
there is no such thing as a shortcut during
rush-hour
traffic in Atlanta. |
| 14. |
Always slow down and
rubberneck when you see an accident or even a
person
changing a tire. It might be more interesting
than the articles in last week's
National Enquirer. |
| 15. |
Throwing litter on the
roads adds variety to the landscape, keeps the
existing
litter from getting lonely and gives Adopt-a-Mile
highway crews something
to clean up. |
| 16. |
Everybody thinks their
vehicle is better than yours (especially pickup
truck
drivers with stickers of Calvin peeing on a Ford,
Dodge or Chevy logo). |
| 17. |
Learn to swerve
abruptly. Atlanta is the home of high-speed
slalom driving
thanks to GDOT, which puts potholes in key
locations to test drivers'
reflexes and keep them on their toes. |
| 18. |
It is traditional in
Atlanta to honk your horn at cars that don't move
the instant
the light changes. |
| 19. |
When the light turns
green, put the pedal to the metal; gas is cheap
in Atlanta,
pollution is a myth and this is a drag race isn't
it? |
| 20. |
Seeking eye contact
with another driver revokes your right of way. |
| 21. |
Never take a green
light at face value. Always look right and
left before proceeding. |
| 22. |
If you smoke, never, ever, use your
ash tray to dispose of your cigarette
butts. Instead,
flick them out of your window while they're still
lit. This contributes to the landscape
along Georgia's highways, and motorcyclists love
it when a lit cigarette butt hits them
in the face. |
| 23. |
Remember that the goal
of every Atlanta driver is to get there first, by
whatever
means necessary. AND DON'T FORGET! YOU
MIGHT AS WELL STAY
AT HOME IF IT'S RAINING OR SNOWING! |